What a Sight

I wore a white shirt today. A white shirt that is cute and still fits for the moment, but it's WHITE. I don't like white shirts. Scratch that, I do like white...nice, fresh, clean, and bleach works wonders. The problem arises when I have the shirt on for a total of five minutes and it's already dirty. I, apparently, am a slob. After 30 minutes, the original color of the shirt is a distant memory.

I looked in the mirror this evening and saw a shirt that I remember as being white when I put it on, but is no longer. I saw that I have mascara, juice, smeared muffin, boogers, chocolate, dirt, mac and cheese, ketchup, blood, something sticky, grease, marker, a sticker, some dinner, and drool that was some odd color on my shirt (my pants too). I stood in front of that mirror feeling a little embarrassed I went throughout the day like this and my dear husband has to come home to such a sight. I stood there wishing my face wasn't expanding along with my waistline, that my skin was clearer, that my hair would cooperate, that my tummy would start to look more pregnant instead of just fat at this point, that I really need a tan and some sleep, that I had bought more stain remover, and that I had known I looked such a wreck.

My hairdryer on the wall reminded me that my hair was done this morning, but I laid down with A for a nap.  Then I remembered that I have mascara on my shirt because I dropped the little wand mid-stroke as I heard a LOUD crash this morning, followed by screaming and crying. I have blood on my shirt from comforting my daughter as her brother had just climbed on, and ultimately pulled over on top of her, her tall desk. I have juice on me because, along with the aforementioned crisis, I was trying to bake bread, feed and clothe four children and myself in an hour so we could get where we needed to be this morning. Ketchup and mac-and-cheese because a lovey three year old has to give me kisses 379 times during lunch alone, marker and a sticker because my five year old just had to have my help while he made a picture, dinner mostly because cooking just gets a little messy with everything else going on and a belly that touches the stove (already!), and pink-ish orange drool because the happy and adorable E just adores starburst candy and cuddling on my shoulder. And the list could go on.

There is evidence on my shirt of what my day has played out to be...a day like any other around here. Evidence that I have one rambunctious five year old, a sweet toddler, a baby with a bit of a cold and teeth coming in, a daughter that will be upset with her brother for a while, and that I am in the process of growing another precious girl. Evidence that I am a mom. Someday I will be able to stand in front of the mirror at the end of the day with a shirt that is still white and I will wish that it wasn't.

A Glimpse

This week and last I have been watching my niece. It has been really interesting for me actually. I have been carting around and caring for 5 children the last two weeks (basically). Short of the fact that Aurora and E are almost the same age, that is what my life will be like in a few months. Of course, having a newborn is a lot different than a 15 month old, but our new one won't stay tiny forever and this life of 5 kids is fast approaching.

In other news... we found out today that John got a promotion at work. We are both very excited for this change and we are incredibly grateful for this blessing. This good news means a raise and, hopefully soon, not so many hours at work for John. He has been working so much in the last couple years that the kids, especially A in school, don't see him much at all and I am usually asleep when he finally gets home most nights. I am really hoping it won't be much longer before he can attend church with us again too. Sacrament meeting with 4, soon to be 5, little kids is really not that much fun. Again, we feel incredibly blessed by our Father in Heaven and we are so excited for the positive changes this should bring to our family.

I am thinking PINK

As mentioned before, we had the ultrasound today. Actually we almost didn't. For my own journal-ing purposes here's the story...

I had sooo been looking forward to my appointment today or dreading it-depending on how you look at it. The ultrasound was scheduled for 10am and then my appointment with the doc directly after. John and I showed up about 10 minutes early and checked in. The nurse called us back to a regular room shortly after. I mentioned that I was supposed to be having the u/s and she just shrugged and said, "Well, it shows here that that appointment was at 9:30 so we'll have to reschedule." I was not a happy camper. I stuttered over my words in explaining that was not what I had scheduled...she didn't say anything. Then she had the audacity to ask for my urine sample (gross, I know, but that's the way it is). I, not quite politely, informed her that I did not because I was expecting an ultrasound. This means, for those of you who don't know, that my bladder is  full in a BIG way. I am assuming that she does know this, working in an OB office and all. She didn't do anything other than shrug and mutter that it was no biggie and the doc would be in soon. Oh. My. Goodness. I do not like that nurse.

Anyway, the doc came in a few minutes later (while I am seething with unhappiness) and gave me a strange look. I explained what was going on and she said she would go talk to the tech. She did and apparently, the appointment after me was transferred to KC so she was open for the next little while. Score for us. We walk down to the u/s  room and the tech mentions to me that she may not be able to see everything because they usually do u/s at 20 or 21 weeks as opposed to 18 weeks like I am. Seriously? The tech was actually very good, I've had her before and I like when she does my u/s.

The first thing she checked was the gender and, lo and behold, it's a GIRL. She did all of the boring work like making sure the baby is healthy and has all of her parts. Then checked again for those all important girl parts. By the end of the u/s she was kicking and wiggling and trying to 'swim' away from the pressure of the sensor on my belly. She was very upset we had bothered her so long. It was so incredibly cute. Then it was back to the exam room for a quick chat with the doc and we were outta there.

I woke up this morning with the distinct feeling, for the first time, that if this baby was a boy that our family would still be complete and that I would not be disappointed with that news. At first, when she told us that it was a girl, I thought she's just got it wrong and there really are boy parts in there somewhere. The tech assured us that she would not tell us a girl just by lack of boy parts, but that she distinctly saw girl parts...the first and second time she checked.

We left there, went and got a balloon and stopped by A's school to give her the news. We snuck up behind her at recess and she had no clue what was going on. Strange, given the huge balloon, the huge pink teddy bear inside it and the "baby girl" written across it. A did catch on and the look on her face was priceless. John and I went to pick up the boys and they were just fascinated by the huge balloon. It made no difference what color the teddy bear inside was.

Well, that's the story... which probably isn't that interesting to everyone but it was a pretty roller coaster morning for me. I remember going from such anger and irritation to such overwhelming joy when she said "girl". I did get a little teary-eyed but I did not cry. We are so relieved that the baby is as healthy as they can tell at this point and I got some really great pictures of my baby girl...including a perfect shot of her foot and toes.
I am so happy that my little princess will get the sister that she has been wanting ever since I was pregnant with Ike. When she (she had just turned 3) found out Ike was a boy she asked, "So does that mean that we get rid of Jake? Can we throw him away?"

I also must admit that I am very pleased to be able to make and shop for things in pink!!

I don't know...

I was thinking that I should post something, but I have no idea what...

We had a nice relaxing Spring Break...I love having A home all the time. We hung out with friends, and Daddy, we went to Manhattan for a night to see G-ma Kathi, and A got to spend a lot of time with a wonderful friend.

We seeded a big part of the front yard, and I think it may have died already. Hopefully not, but the freezing weather making another appearance can't help the poor grass.

The most exciting thing in my life right now is the upcoming ultrasound for baby number 5. I am feeling all kinds of things...I am excited, anxious, not excited, and just not wanting to have it for fear of hearing something I don't want to hear. There are a number of things a woman doesn't want to hear/see at an ultrasound. I always get a little anxious that there will be a problem with the baby but this time it's more stuff like "baby is not cooperating, I can't see the gender" or "everything looks great...you won't be getting another u/s" or "it's a boy". With every child so far they have been able to see the gender in the u/s and every subsequent one. I have already posted about our "luck" with ultrasounds. I have had the wonderful opportunity to see our babies SEVERAL times before they are born for fear of complications of some kind, but all have been born perfectly perfect.

I am just hoping that they will be able to see the gender, that I will maybe get another u/s at some point (not that I want something to be wrong with my precious unborn), and yes, I am REALLY hoping for a girl. I have two sisters myself and I would really love for my Princess to have at least one. Don't get me wrong, I adore every single one of my Frog Princes and I will be ecstatic to have another boy. We have been so blessed with four healthy children and I hope that streak continues. Not to mention the fact that I (and the princess) adore everything pink and lacey and little girl adorable. Oh and each of the kids (we'll just assume E too, although he does not express his wishes) wants a little sister. When the three oldest say prayers for meals or family prayers, they all pray that "Mommy can have a baby girl and our Aunt Jessies can have baby boys." SO CUTE!

Anyway, no matter what they can tell me, the ultrasound is this coming Tuesday. I am already losing sleep over it!!

When you know...you know.

I have noticed that there is a certain instinct that comes with being a Mom. By no means am I an expert of any sort, but there is a little feeling that I get. Like what the infant is crying for (food, sleep, etc.), or that the silence of a toddler is not always a good sign, or when a baby has a simple cough or is really sick, or when the older child is not telling you the whole story, or when something bad has happened and they're not sure if they can/should tell you, and the list could go on. There are always certain signs too...lethargy and lack of appetite in a severely sick child, shoe polish on the wall after said silence, a lack of eye contact when "finished" with the aforementioned kind of story, or the look in their eyes of embarrassment and hurt and sadness.

I also experience this feeling when things just simply aren't as they should be. You know, like something is off, wrong, not as I left it. For example...

Exhibit A

When I come up the stairs to go to bed and see my door in this position, I get that feeling. That feeling that I will walk to the bedroom at the end of the hall and see this...

Exhibit B

The empty toddler bed that a certain three year old was tucked in to a matter of hours ago. And that feeling intensifies. I know that I will go back to that closed door, open it and find...

Exhibit C

That cute little boy snoozing in my bed!!

This is just a silly example that happens with my third-born fairly often but I have had some very real and very difficult experiences with this 'Motherly instinct'. I am sure to have countless more given that my children are young, but the one thing I have learned is to LISTEN to that instinct...it's almost ALWAYS right.

The Cut

I have had requests to post pictures of my hair cut....

So this is it. For the first time ever, I didn't really want to cut it. But it needed to be done. I think that may be why I am not so keen on it. Oh, and the stylist was TERRIBLE. Anyway, I will let it grow some and maybe find someone good to cut it right. In the mean time, it's hair and it works without looking too terrible.

Ugh

Life is pretty boring around here. I am slowly feeling better every day and all the kids are healthy at the moment. We went to the circus the other day and I totally forgot my camera. We had gotten the tickets for free but softie Dad paid for the kids to do everything there was to do once we were in the doors. Elephant rides, light up swords and all the overpriced food they could eat. The kids did great and we all had a blast.

I did, in fact, cut my hair short. I didn't really want to but the mop definitely needed a new start. I don't have pictures because I am not really digging it. The lady was not good (I really need to find a stylist I like and trust) and could not even understand what I wanted, much less accomplish it. After three redoes with her, I was done.

Exciting life, I know.